You Mans of the Sesh - Guidelines & Recovery - Conko

You Mans of The Sesh - A Guideline & Recovery 

This is not a guideline on how to session. These are recommendations on who should and shouldn't session. If you've found yourself to be one of the people that shouldn't session and have actually obliterated a months worth of serotonin in one night, there's a few recovery tips at the end. 

 "Conso, how can you go around blogging and promoting mental health and go on sessions?" Fucking excellently that's how. It's been on the horizon a while and I knew the question was going to arise but I didn't now when Nothing could've prepared me to be walloped with it on a Sunday morning right in the midst of an absolute molly whopper of a session. Really though, this is a serious matter and I'm no postman but it needs to be addressed. 

So after many years of extensive research and intensive studies which have led to the best of times and the worst of times I present to you this blog. Some of this is actually quite pretentious and should be taken with a pinch of salt as I'm only a young fool, and a mental health and session amateur. I suppose the idea behind this piece is it to share what little knowledge I do have, and hopefully help some other lost soul who is trying to walk the tight rope of sanity whilst trying to juggle their mental health and 6 cans in the Cirque de Soleil of life.

Check The Scenario

The Sesh has been glorified in the last couple of years due to the hilarity of the Humans of the Sesh /Pintman Posting pages; and we are going through somewhat of Rave Renaissance. That being said, the auld Sesh has always been around but just a bit more underground. Eve took a swig out of one of Adams cans of Orchard Thieves. Even Jesus was lashing out the Buckfast to the masses. You see they didn't tell you that in school and the Sesh has been something or somewhat a bit more underground. Through social media and other mediums the Sesh culture and it's gremlins are now being admired and hailed as champions. The Sesh has become something that cannot be ignored and must be embraced, for lack of a better word. All ages and all classes are getting together and uniting in a field near you. A field where seasoned raver-to-the-gravers are walking around like little Florence Nightingales amongst the feral animals. It is a beautiful sight to behold; life forms integrating in such a loving manner with mother nature and her amber leafs. But you rarely see these joyous characters in their down time. What goes up, must come down; and just because you never see these session lord characters midweek, trust, they too struggle to string a sentence together, binge-eating chocolate digestives and have lost their reason to engage with the world.

We live and never learn and you can try take solace by repeating to yourself “Never again, Never again”. It doesn't work though, Both Monday and next Friday can see through your petty grovelling. Go take a long walk on your lunch break and listen your favourite soul hugging tracks. Reminisce about that conversation on Saturday night where you and your friend attempted to divise a plan how to teach Mandarin Chinese to over-eager orphan dolphins. Or who would win a race between a midget relay team and a camel? Thankfully some beautiful people organise this kind of stuff.

I'll cut the bullshit of trying to sound funny and return to the living and never learning scenario. 

Something quite obvious but rarely enforced, if you are suffering with a mental illness it's probably, 100% definitely, not a good idea to go on the beer. I don't know about you, but when I'm told I shouldn't do something I will go full Gung-Ho at that something with the utmost passion and conviction. Yes, I know I probably shouldn't session but with the devil on one shoulder and the Dutch Gold Man on the other, how could I say no to smashing a few cans? However there is a yin and yang to everything. I know when I can and can't go on the beer. I gave up beer for nearly a year when I was suffering with severe depression and as depression is always lingering to try get in your front door or piss in your back garden, if I hear that black dog barking in the distance or creeping up on me, I set up ship and sail away from The Sesh. 

It's a seriously wobbly tight rope I'm on as I also have Attention Defecit (I've dropped the 'disorder' you should too) which is something I have to tend to quite a lot if I want to complete boring tasks. This all means I can't commit to every session, so I have to choose my battles and try not go to all out war. Don't get me wrong John wong, sometimes I get into battles i wasn't supposed to, getting ambushed by loads of Vietnamese fuckers with their flamethrowers at a family christening on a Sunday; but you'll be surprised how much you can enjoy a good session sipping on Mi-Wadi or drinking non-alcoholic when you're in great company.

If you have ever suffered with a mental illness, ever; then every aspect of your life has to be treated with a little extra comfort care than those other normal boring bastards. Your brain works a bit more beautifully than other people your neurological setup thing (failed junior cert science, soz) is a bit more sensitive and tender than those normal people. So you must approach the session like you would asking a junkie for spare change. You know you shouldn't, it's going to be funny but you've now got hepatitis.

What chance do you have of abstinence when you receive texts like this.

Here are my rules of thumb for the sesh and some recovery guidelines I try to abide by:

Being honest this could be quite a redundant auld section because most people who shouldn't be sessioning probably already know.

Foundation Maths Numbero Uno: 

Alcohol (a depressant) + depression = a lot worse depression. 

30 days of Serotonin - 1 night rolling = 29 days of 'why am i alive?'

Amigo Bueno Numbero 2: If you are on anti-depressants, medication or antibiotics this is ridiculously dangerous. Amongst other things you could develop serotonin syndrome or especially with SSRI anti-depressants, you can end up dead. Check that scenario, there's no sugar coating that one.

Kinder Bueno Number 3: If you are trying to run away or escape some inner gremlins, them little fuckers grow the longer you leave them to their own devices. Try counselling or partaking in some other form of therapy before embarking on a session and confront them little mucksavages when you have developed your own coping mechanisms.

Burrito eh de Quesadilla holy guacamole 4 

El Quarters o: If you have suffered with a mental illness and are feeling mighty fine and would like to session still; do so with caution. Like I stated before, your neurological yoke is more tender than others. This means that you have 2 cans, you are more likely to be more drunk than someone else that has Toucans. I've a sensitive auld bag jelly brain and I know, and I've learned the hard way that I should at the very most, do half of what everyone else is doing. If you are in Amsterdam, try do 1/8th of the recommended dosage or you'll end up well that story was deleted when I proof read this.

Corona Tijuana AK47: If you can't get enjoyment out of the beauty the world has to offer and live for the sesh, I suggest finding another couple of hobbies, this train ain't going to run forever. Again, see alternatives below or read or Addiction X Purpose of Life blog

Tequila Mockingbird: Heart problems. Just don't.

Ondillay Ondillay Areeba Selena Gomez: Pick your battles. Come Down Syndrome is not half as beautiful or wonderful as Down Syndrome

Uno dose trays catro sinco sinco says 6: If you find yourself 'needy' and craving the attention of something else, this is a warning sign and sessioning isn't advised until you've found yourself. Become an island my friend.

Enough going on like an auld lad telling you why not to session, it's probably too late you anxious little scoundrel. As all this blog is just me being a hypocritical little bollox, here's a little helping hand in recovering. Just remember you are living in a spectacular planet with deadly trees and mountains and cool skies and seas shit and it's full of lovely helpful people and there are dogs and caterpillars turn into butterflies in front of our eyes and those jobs, or all that money or those skewed views of 'success' are not important. That rock under your feet has been here a lot longer than you and will continue to be for a lot longer. Go live and enjoy yourself while you can, and dance naked as much as possible.

Immediate Recovery:

Vanilla Ice Cream - By the fucking barrel man. When your stomach can't stomach anything and you need to employ wheelchair access to your gaff just so you can drag that dislocated cotton mouth in the front door. The vanilla ice cream contains all the sugar, vitamins and minerals that will make you feel a bit better. Trust.

Sleepy Nighty Snoozy Snooze - Don't be afraid to go to sleep even if it's frowned upon by session vets. Everybody feels a bit better after a sleep, look at the Spanish. Going around sleeping during the day, Jesus Garcia them dudes have it right. They don't have 99's in Spain so fuck off. Sleep is fundamental to survival and the benefits are obvious and ridiculous but did you know: Sleep is full of Melatonin, which is a potent antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and immune system booster that is especially protective of the brain. Fuck yeah, come at me now Junior Cert Science! BUH!

Water  - Basic survival instincts.

5-HTP - A wonder anti-depressant or recovery ailment, full of Melatonin (see above) and Seratonin and all them science things that I failed in the Junior Cert and you dispensed last night getting buttoned on a bender.  5-HTP isn't available yet in Ireland but it's not illegal. You can order it swiftly from health shops in the UK. 

Fortunately, Northern Ireland is in the UK, unfortunately. 

**Warning** do not take with anti-depressants and before purchasing this absolute gem of a mineral, please contact your doctor to see if it's ok with your current medication. 

**Super Warning** Do not take mid-sesh, it can mess up everything. 5-HTP is for recovery only (the day after). 

Long Term Recovery

Different strokes for different folks but if you can execute or deliver any amount of these recovery methods you should be on a bright path to recovering and becoming 'normal' again.

Worrying - If you are not on the frontline about to land on Normandy beach or trapped in a damaged spacecraft thousand miles from the earth, what you're worrying about probably isn't important in the grand scheme of things. If it isn't open heart surgery, don't worry. :)

Money - if you are broke, see above. We all survive in the end and if you are hungry enough you will get enough money to survive even if it means begging. People generally tend to look out for each other, even if the demons inside tell you they don't. If you are in serious debt and are therefore worrying, there is plenty of help. The money advisary placey thing cater for ALL situations so check them out MABS

Meditation - If you don't know how to meditate you should download the Mindspace app. It's a nice accessible way to learn how to meditate. I cannot recommend meditation over medication enough. If you are suffering with serious anxiety or panic attacks there is a nice easy one where you sit / lie down, put your hands on your lap and just take a deep breath for each and every object that you can sense close to you. So a deep breath for each thing you can see, a deep breath for everything you can smell, a deep breath for anything you can hear, a deep breath for everything you can smell and a deep breath for those lingering tastes in your mouth. Before you know it you will have done 40 deep breaths and all those silly worries will be gone :)

Interaction - Chat with some fellow humans if things get a bit overwhelming. Maybe a bit of intimacy if you're feeling raunchy bromeo.

Rehydrate - Make sure and rehydrate adequately. A Berocca or Diaoralyte will replace some of those missing science things.


Nature - It's unfuckingbelievable what you have on your doorstep. If you live in Ireland or the UK you are never really further than half an hour away from a nice dollop of nature. I kind of already mentioned how breath taking this planet is and I could go on a spectacular yarn on how amazing nature is for the soul but thankfully someone else did. How Walking in Nature Prevents Depression Essentially we originate from wild animals and being in the wilderness is very good for you.

Get likes on social media - This is sarcasm. Try avoid relying on likes for happiness as this isn't sustainable you bebo stunnah. Did you know people suffering with depression tend to post on social media more? Here is an article which I will do a blog on very soon.  Posting lots of photos on social media? It could be a sign of depression

Cooking, Good Food - Wholesome, fresh food and the act of cooking is good for the soul. It also leads into..

Creativity/Productivity - We are simple old fools. When we create something, a painting, a person, a building, fill out a form, we feel better. I know doing something productive or creative after a session can feel a bit tedious riddled with anxiety and no motivation, but do something you enjoy in your own comfort. If you are an artist of any sort, some of your most creative ideas can come from sleep deprivation.

Help others - I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too. It gives me a sense of enormous well-being. Parklife. For real though, you can gain an enormous sense of humanness by helping another human.

Vitamin D - Go ahead and open them curtains

Music - It may the thing that got you into this mess, but it can also be the thing to help you get out.

Counselling or helplines - If you cannot extinguish these little fires on your own there is plenty of help at hand. I've found with myself and with many others that contacting your GP can put you on a much faster avenue to getting the help and therapy you need. Most GP's are ridiculously understanding and it is actually one of the professions with the most depression so don't be afraid to make the journey! If you are dire need of an immediate intervention please see below.

Diet - Eat good, feel good. 

99's - Abandon the above at least once a day with plenty of syrup

Exercise - Releases happiness chemicals. We have some other blogs on this and diet if you would care to read.

Remember there are a million activities you can enjoy without beer. Jesus, there are even protestants out there enjoying a game of cricket ffs. Some of the best of best times I've ever had have been on the sesh, and some of the best times I've ever had have been climbing up mountains with friends. If you are in a bad state of affairs and this blog seems like a whole lot of irrelevant codswollop while you're struggling to find a reason to live, please ring Samaritans. and just know that, and I know it sounds very cliché, but there is a reason to keep on going because you will appreciate the bright days (they will come) much more than somebody that has never been through the dark. 


·                116 123 (UK)

·                116 123 (ROI)

Very neutral lovely playlist for noggin hugs

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