Sometimes I wonder
Sometimes I wonder my worth. In so may different variables,
My worth in life
My worth in love
My worth in other lives
My worth in general day to day...
I question myself on a daily basis. I wonder how life is with me and how it would be without me.
I wonder if my mind will ever feel completely, right. Whatever that may be?
I wonder how it feels to be, normal.
Whatever that one word stands for.
I wonder will my family and friends ever really, truly understand me? I mean in all fairness it is not their fault I have a “Wobbly head!”
It just seems to be something that will never change for me.
The constant thoughts roaming around in my head.
The constant feeling as though my head may explode due to NOTHING.
Sometimes I wish there was a better way to;
Get all my feelings in check.
Put all my thoughts down on paper.
Express myself better.
I guess, I have just got to get over the fact that I am not going to change.
Only I can change how I feel or don’t feel.
I am definitely a control freak so I do find it hard to let go of controlling people and situations surrounding me.
Sometimes it is hard to not let myself feel defined by being Bipolar.
I do find it to be such a blessing and a curse.
I am forever grateful to have figured out that part of myself over 2 years ago now. But I struggle everyday regardless of my prognosis. I find myself constantly trying to help others, whether it be family or friends.
I find it hard to really engage in deep conversation about myself while getting to know someone new.
Aside from all of that I am very grateful and thankful for where I am in life. I have wonderful friends, family. I have a job I love and a beautiful place to live. I am definitely still missing something but I do not doubt I will get there eventually. So for now.... Keep your heads up, Your hopes strong, And your everything focused on your happy. x