Crybaby - Sophia Vigne Welsh

Crybaby - Sophia Vigne Welsh

Crybaby

October 9, 2016

CRYBABY

On average I probably cry once a day. Sometimes more, sometimes I take a couple of days off.

As far back as I can remember I’ve always been a super sensitive soul and liable to burst into tears at any given moment. The cause could be something relatively serious (bees are dying/wtf am I doing with my life/will I ever own a home) or utterly ridiculous (you asked me the time in a weird tone of voice/I burnt my toast). Depending on my mood and anxiety levels it can take the tiniest thing to set me off. This can be extremely frustrating at times and sometimes it does really get me down. Imagine trying to explain through hiccups and floods of tears that, “no really I’m grand you just looked at me a bit funny when I was hanging up the washing and now I’m questioning my entire existence.” The thing is after the tears have stopped most of the time it is funny but in that snotty teary moment you can feel like the tiniest subhuman in the world.

At this stage in my life I’ve pretty much accepted (nearly, getting there) that this is just the way I am – a Highly Sensitive Person. All caps cuz Google that shit, it actually is a ‘real thing’ (duh). Some of us just have a hypersensitive nervous system and feel all our feelings extra feeling-y. Here’s a nice article with some more info on that.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/wellbeing/health-advice/highly-sensitive-people/

Sometimes I enjoy a good cry and can even find myself laughing while crying at the ridiculousness of it all. Other times I wish I could just get angry instead of upset or at least express my anger in a more angry less tearful way. Worst of all is the feeling of total shame that comes with the tears of a full-blown anxiety attack and the breathless gasping for air as you fight to get some/ any explanatory words out to the person who’s trying to calm you down. (Tip for anyone having an anxiety attack, don’t try to talk or explain yourself just get all the shaky snotty screamy tears out. Tip for anyone trying to comfort someone having an anxiety attack, don’t try and get them to explain themselves or ask what’s wrong-chances are they haven’t a fucking clue.)

However no matter the circumstances or reasons behind whatever volume of tears you’ve managed to produce there is always a sense of relief when they finally subside. Again, this is near impossible to remember in the midst of a panic attack but eventually your tear ducts dry up and your feet start to touch the ground again.

There’s actually some really interesting science behind the make up of different types of tears (happy, grief, fear etc) but I’ll let you google that cuz I ain’t no scientist.

Around four years ago I didn’t cry for over six months and, contrary to popular belief that crying = sadness/depression, this did not mark a spell of blissful happiness in my life, quite the opposite in fact. For various reasons I found myself extremely depressed although at the time that’s not what I wanted to call it, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I wasn’t sleeping, I lost touch with a lot of friends, was smoking way too much of the green stuff, not going out much and not crying at all. I was lucky enough to have a GP who, instead of giving me the sleeping tablets I asked for, dug a little deeper and suggested I see a counselor. At this stage I really just wanted to sleep but I also knew that there was a lot more going on than I was willing to think about let alone talk about. After a few weeks of dialing the number and hanging up in fear I managed to make myself an appointment. Each session was an hour long and for the first two I spent basically the entire time bawling my eyes out whilst being handed Kleenex. Crying in front a stranger is weirdly empowering and although I left the first few sessions completely exhausted and dehydrated I also began to feel the heaviness I’d been carrying around lift.

In the years since I’ve had my ups and downs, some more extreme than others, but I don’t think I’ve gone for a more than a few days without crying to some extent. Letting it out really does mean letting all that negativity, pent up anger, sadness, darkness- the FUCK OUT.

I know not everyone cries easily or much at all, in which case I’d imagine screaming at the top of your lungs in a big field or kicking the shit out of a punch bag is a good alternative. If not just type “Christian the Lion” into Youtube and  the tears should flow.

Whether you’re a sensitive lil CryBaby like me or a macho hardman, crying is good for you. I’m not saying everyone needs to commit to my particularly high RDA but a few tears every now and then will release a load of the bad stuff you’ve been carrying around and, most importantly, are nothing to ever feel ashamed of.

Crying on the bus might not be as socially acceptable as laughing on it but at the end of the day if someone’s going to make you feel bad about expressing your emotions they’re really not worth your time anyway.

CRYBABY

On average I probably cry once a day. Sometimes more, sometimes I take a couple of days off.

As far back as I can remember I’ve always been a super sensitive soul and liable to burst into tears at any given moment. The cause could be something relatively serious (bees are dying/wtf am I doing with my life/will I ever own a home) or utterly ridiculous (you asked me the time in a weird tone of voice/I burnt my toast). Depending on my mood and anxiety levels it can take the tiniest thing to set me off. This can be extremely frustrating at times and sometimes it does really get me down. Imagine trying to explain through hiccups and floods of tears that, “no really I’m grand you just looked at me a bit funny when I was hanging up the washing and now I’m questioning my entire existence.” The thing is after the tears have stopped most of the time it is funny but in that snotty teary moment you can feel like the tiniest subhuman in the world.

At this stage in my life I’ve pretty much accepted (nearly, getting there) that this is just the way I am – a Highly Sensitive Person. All caps cuz Google that shit, it actually is a ‘real thing’ (duh). Some of us just have a hypersensitive nervous system and feel all our feelings extra feeling-y. Here’s a nice article with some more info on that.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/wellbeing/health-advice/highly-sensitive-people/

Sometimes I enjoy a good cry and can even find myself laughing while crying at the ridiculousness of it all. Other times I wish I could just get angry instead of upset or at least express my anger in a more angry less tearful way. Worst of all is the feeling of total shame that comes with the tears of a full-blown anxiety attack and the breathless gasping for air as you fight to get some/ any explanatory words out to the person who’s trying to calm you down. (Tip for anyone having an anxiety attack, don’t try to talk or explain yourself just get all the shaky snotty screamy tears out. Tip for anyone trying to comfort someone having an anxiety attack, don’t try and get them to explain themselves or ask what’s wrong-chances are they haven’t a fucking clue.)

However no matter the circumstances or reasons behind whatever volume of tears you’ve managed to produce there is always a sense of relief when they finally subside. Again, this is near impossible to remember in the midst of a panic attack but eventually your tear ducts dry up and your feet start to touch the ground again.

There’s actually some really interesting science behind the make up of different types of tears (happy, grief, fear etc) but I’ll let you google that cuz I ain’t no scientist.

Around four years ago I didn’t cry for over six months and, contrary to popular belief that crying = sadness/depression, this did not mark a spell of blissful happiness in my life, quite the opposite in fact. For various reasons I found myself extremely depressed although at the time that’s not what I wanted to call it, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I wasn’t sleeping, I lost touch with a lot of friends, was smoking way too much of the green stuff, not going out much and not crying at all. I was lucky enough to have a GP who, instead of giving me the sleeping tablets I asked for, dug a little deeper and suggested I see a counsellor. At this stage I really just wanted to sleep but I also knew that there was a lot more going on than I was willing to think about let alone talk about. After a few weeks of dialing the number and hanging up in fear I managed to make myself an appointment. Each session was an hour long and for the first two I spent basically the entire time bawling my eyes out whilst being handed Kleenex. Crying in front a stranger is weirdly empowering and although I left the first few sessions completely exhausted and dehydrated I also began to feel the heaviness I’d been carrying around lift.

In the years since I’ve had my ups and downs, some more extreme than others, but I don’t think I’ve gone for a more than a few days without crying to some extent. Letting it out really does mean letting all that negativity, pent up anger, sadness, darkness- the FUCK OUT.

I know not everyone cries easily or much at all, in which case I’d imagine screaming at the top of your lungs in a big field or kicking the shit out of a punch bag is a good alternative. If not just type “Christian the Lion” into Youtube and  the tears should flow.

Whether you’re a sensitive lil CryBaby like me or a macho hardman, crying is good for you. I’m not saying everyone needs to commit to my particularly high RDA but a few tears every now and then will release a load of the bad stuff you’ve been carrying around and, most importantly, are nothing to ever feel ashamed of.

Crying on the bus might not be as socially acceptable as laughing on it but at the end of the day if someone’s going to make you feel bad about expressing your emotions they’re really not worth your time anyway.

Check out some of Sophia's lully photos and other art here https://www.facebook.com/thefriedeye/?fref=ts


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