Searching for Serotonin - Conko

Searching for Serotonin

Here’s my little Fisher-Price steps on how to get out of a rut or how to prevent yourself from going into the depths of depression. It can be very easy to slip down that slope man, regardless of the time of year it's easy to lose control, and any little mishaps or tragedy can happen and you’re left scouring the cracks for even a sniff of serotonin.

Keep in mind I’m an absolute bozoe and definitely not a professional, this is more like a diary for myself more than anything, it was written very fasterly and badly but maybe it will help somebody. Willo the wispy shit and I would usually give out about anyone sugar coating mental health like this.

There’s a little way of assessing your current state of mind state, and it helps communicate where you’re mind bee  to others 🐝; as sometimes it’s hard to art tick you late. 

Found below is the exact Harvard rating system all professional psychiatrists use to assess your psychological state.

Step 1: prepare the vegetables

 0 – 1 – Is reactionary, you need help, we can help guide you to the proper help. If this was a physical illness you’ve just been hit by a Taxi, and that highfalutin dildo may have reversed on you.

Get to a doctor, explain how bad you are. If you have already and it didn’t help then ring the caredoc/another doctor. Tell them you are a danger to yourself. They will provide you with the adequate care, which may mean going into a psych ward (holibops), or whatever they can do to bring you to a 2. Don’t do this shit on your own. Ring Pieta House 1800 247 247 or Talk to Tom 0818 30 30 61, they’re fucking angels and professionals and free x

2 – 4 – This is a danger zone but preventative. You're very close to getting hit by a little menopausal Gold Micra. You have just enough motivation to do something and this is the time you need to act on it. That’s what this blog is for.

5 – 6 – Plateau, Graeme Le Saux sippy sippy red wine in Bordeaux. Plentiful pleasantries and French fancies toot-de-la-fruit. Not getting too excited nor getting too down about things is some invincible Buddhist shit bud.

7 – 9 – The cheese you sees in the moovees

10 – getdafuckouttaheyihh 

I split head jelly into 3 broad categories to help me gauge shit – Biological, Psychological & Social, the three of these need to be good for me to feel good, or if one is down I need to over-compensate with the other two to balance. If two are down and my psych is gone weak old lady and the bio is week old baby, regardless then socially I’ll be wee cold gravy (real stretch, couldn’t think of another rhyme soz). Again, this is foundation-level shit and it’s not well-written or well-informed either; but it’s what I know and what I do for myself:

You can read my whole history with mental illness here: Wibbly Wobbly Wonders

And some other coping mechanisms here: Goldfish & Chips

And some session recovery here: You Mans of the Sesh

Noggin Hugs

I saw some randomer wearing a BPB beanie and I wondered was her head cold or were her thoughts ok. Which reminded me of when my brain is throwing a wobbler I wear a beanie ALL THE TIME, indoors, going to bed, having sex, in the shower, whatever. Hats make me feel safer. Like a lil safety helmet for my cirque du soleil of thoughts. Anyway, I want more people wearing hats/feeling better so use this discount code to get them for less than cost price WIBBLYWOBBLYWONDAS

If you have no money, just email and I’ll send ya one for nothing but it will come with peace, love and thoughts (let me know wagwan with your wibbly wobbly wonder if you would like)

OPERATION 🐝: DAY 1, Day 2 , Phase 1,2,3 and 4


Biological – If you can, please walk to your nearest shop. If the anxiety of doing so is killing you, wear a scarf and a hat/hood and you are invisible you lil piece of fresh air. It’s just a small little task that may seem daunting but once you’ve done it it’s benjamin dunne. 

Psychological – Shower and change your crusty jocks you’ve had on the last two weeks. I know it sounds daunting but if you can, you could declutter your room. Throw out some shit you no longer want, and throw out some shit you kind of want but can be replaced. This is the fresh start of a fresh start.

Social – If you can, send the below SMS to a mate or chat to a family member.

“Hey bromeo, my heads a bit wobbly at the moment and I just need a lil help getting out of this rut. Would you be around for a walk or some coffee? Cheers man”

And you don’t have to talk about your feelings, and they might not even understand, so just spend some time with a mate. Shoot the breeze with some meaningless, but at least you're there. They’re aware you’re feeling blue so flow so cold like minus two and just 🐝


Day 2

Biological – If you can, aim for a ten or fifteen minute walk, near a forest, mountain or sea if possible but if not fuck it, just go to a shop a little further away if needs be. Just get out if you can.

Psychological – If you have decluttered your room, maybe you can clean it now? Or move turn the bed another way. Could you change your sheets?

A lil bitta self-maintenance too pettits filous: if you have some moisturiser or some of that creamy shtuff put it on your face and your goolies. Shave your nose hair, your gee or your short and curlies (extra half-inch there for the taking) xx

Social – Maybe your mate that you text called around? If they’re busy don’t be deterred, then someone else? Or maybe you could call around to theirs? You don’t even have to speak, all you have to do is be. Occupation: Being 🐝

🐝  ҉ ̸ ̡ ҉ ҉.·๑ඕั ҉

Phase 1

Psychological: Right, write you little fuck: Ok so is anything stressing you? Or what are your worries? Do you think you could write them down in like a little list? THEN, are there any logical ways of solving any of these problems? Some so big, some so small, but there are solutions for everything. Even after touching your willy after chopping some chilli sometimes you just got to ride it out with time. 

BUT ARE SOME OF THESE PROBLEMS INCOMPREHENDABLE OR TOO SORE TO DEAL WITH??? NO SOLUTION IN THE POLLUTION? Are you psychologically on the frontline on D-Day? Ok amigo, your head’s wobbling a little bit too much, there is always a solution, always. You can go to the doctor, tell them you’re in a lot of pain, they will give you medication, and give you a counsellor to see. If your doctor’s being a ballbag message us we will find you adequate help. There’s some traumatic shit out there that is difficult for any head to get around, but there are professionals for all scenarios.

Keep following our steps though bromeo

Biological – Regardless of wagwan in your head jelly you now have less crusty boxers on, you’ve shaved and you have progressed much further than you thought you would a few days ago.

You can aim to do 4/5 insy winsy walks in the week. Say each one is twenty minutes, if not longer? Maybe your mates would like to go up a mountain? Maybe you would like to skim stones on the sea? Just fresh air man, you can’t see it or taste it but it’s a little bit more than fuck all.

Social – Maybe aim to see your mates twice this week. Nothing big and maybe just briefly. Go cinema, for food, or just play xbox; you don’t even need to talk about your problems, all you have to do is 🐝

Do you think you could get a hair-cut? Simply for the sheer novelty of interacting with a Turkish barber from Iraq. Some of them do my ear hair and eyebrows? A socialising self-care 3-in-1.

🐝 ෴෴෴෴༆༆.

Phase 2

Biological – Go for yizzer 20 minutes lil walkies like a good boy, maybe push it up to 30. Start thinking about what you’re eating and how it affects you. It’s fucking mental the effects of Diet Coke and 48 bags of crisps can have on your body. If you can control your food, you can start controlling a lot more. A lot of the time I binge and put on weight and feel like utter shite, to counteract the binge months I do a diet where I only eat when my tummy rumbles, and then if I do feel hungry, I make sure it’s not just thirst by drinking some water first. With this you can eat whatever the fuck you please (fave meal is vagina and chips minus the chips), but only when you’re hungry, and only enough to stop you from being hungry. 
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  • If you’re not eating you need to broach this from the other angle, if your tummy rumbles it’s in survival mode, you MUST eat! Your body is actually fucking screaming at you and it needs help before it chows down on all your energy and your serotonin.
  • Two litres of water a day. If you don't like water (tastes like fuck all) then try sparkling (tastes like TV static) or flavoured water (tastes like fuck all but with a flavour)
  • Vitamin D man - if you can’t get it from the dread of going outdoors, maybe you could get some supplements?

Psychological – Ok so you’ve wrote down your issues and you may or may not have started to deal with them. Start with the smallest issue first, Fermanagh wasn’t built in a day, maybe it was actually, but you can work your way onward from Fermanagh to other great places of marvel like Leitrim. I’m still working on a few things that have been on my lists since 1916. (32 counties)

  • Regardless of your mental state it’s good to practice some mediation. There’s the headspace app or my favourite little one is the 5,4,3,2,1. It gets me out of many mental pickles and many times than not I’m late for work cause I fall asleep to it. The 5,4,3,2,1 are deep breaths for your senses. 5 deep breaths for things you can see, 4 for things you can hear, 3 for things you can touch, 2 for things you smell and 1 deep breath for thing you can taste. Before you know it you’re back occupation: 🐝and the past and future are things of the past. 

Social – Do you have any interests (bar cricket, see 1916 reference above), is there anyone that shares these interests with you? Crochet, aqua-aerobics, trying to clean automatic doors, writing, eating? Something that interests you. You don’t have to go do it yet, but just recognise there’s an interest you share with other people and it could be as generic as movies or could be as niche as Sean Connery’s sisters daughter.  

  • While on your walkies, make it your business to pet strangers dogs. You can see how many you get in a day and play this game for the rest of your life (My record is 17).


Phase 3

Biological – You’ve built up a bit of fitness and your eating is a little bit more controlled. These don’t have to be finessed in anyway, baby steps, all you need is progress. 

  • Could you join a gym? Don’t compare yourself to the gym tools of the internet. Just go for twenty minutes do a little run or row, don’t even push yourself man, enjoy it. Don’t make yourself feel weak with weights as of yet, unless your job is to lift heavy things and put them back down, stay away for a while.
  • You could go for a little swim after, or maybe a lil sauna? (Did you know you can cook in the sauna if you stay for like 3 hours you are a slow cooking human. Bitta rosemary, bitta thyme and you could eat your well-seasoned arm)
  • You could join a local sports team or fitness club, or you could continue your lovely walks on your own.

Psychological – Keep on track of your diary or list of problems and keep writing. 

  • Hopefully now you can find 5 or 10 minutes to medit8 on the daily now too x
  • The act of creating is going to make you feel good. Be it Lego, an apple tart, a painting, a frame for some photos, make something and feel the sense of accomplishment after.

Social – I know what you’re thinking you little scoundrel, stay the fuck away from that jungle juice or the divil dust or whatever your vice may be. Not until you’re a 4 or a 5, or howabout maybe fucking never? It’s fucking poison. Those ZeroZero drinks are not bad either, seriously, you don't make a mongo of yourself and probably won't destroy any relationships and you'll avoid that lil fear gremlin crawling up your sheets the next day. 

  • Maybe it’s time to interact with humans a bit more, build any relationships you have with people. A simple text or a phone call? 
  • Are there any gigs or exhibitions on you would like to go to? These artists are spilling out their soul to you, maybe you can connect with them. Get out there and brave that world you little jezebel.  
  • If you're getting more social you could start limiting your time on anti-social media. My plan is to limit myself to 30 minutes per day.


Phase 4


Biological – If you've followed all the previous phases I challenge you to walk, jog or run 5k. Take as long as you want to do it, stop off for a scone and a smoke midway, just do it. You’ve came along a way since 4 weeks ago and 5k ain’t as daunting as it was. You can keep building on this, slowly, but progressing and being grateful for your progress is super sweet.

If you’re eating when your tummy talks to you will have lost a few pounds or gained a few depending on what way you cope.

Psychological – Meditate, Write, Create, Progress, Learn, Relationships, Increase your self-esteem through learning or fitness. Spend time in nature. Read. Some of these will help you, whatever floats your boat.

Social – I challenge you to join/rejoin a club of some sort. Fitness/Sports, volunteering with animals, Jiu-Jitsu, archaeology, book club, photography, Crochet. Give something a bash. Usually these clubs will benefit your bio, pysch and social, which is incredible bang for your buck 

This is such basic shit and obviously you’ve got a lot more work to do but this is just baby steps for any little or big situation. I hope it helps somebody and doesn’t seem too obnoxious xx


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